i’m not here
it’s not me
it’s this it’s again
it’s something else
taking over
taking control
dominating
it’s the excuse
to not be
not think
not feel
not be
it’s the escape
running running away
from what it’s not part of the it’s
it’s the it’s
but not me
it’s too much of me
insecure and lost soul
it’s pretending
bending in anxiety
giving up the fight
not even starting it
it’s a lot
so it becomes nothing, the whole issue of nothing.
it damages the present
it erases what it’s now
it’s lost words trying to escape the escape
going around, around
where it has been before
knowing there’s no happy ending
but pretending and faking one
it’s to much of me
lost somewhere, everywhere i go
everywhere i am.
it’s escaping to darkness, hoping to find light
knowing…
again…
knowing there’s no any
it’s just so i don’t feel
just so i don’t have to deal
it’s the pathetic knowing of all
the before and the after
but still going, still hiding
still not here.
not even knowing where here is,
not even trying, not even wanting to try
it’s again and again… and again
it’s not knowing…
the fear of not knowing
the not acceptance of not knowing
asking for answers,
not knowing the questions
it’s paralysing.
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